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February 2018

One of the Greatest Biblical Mysteries:

That Desperately needs to be Discovered

  “For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife. and they two shall be one flesh.  This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.“ — Ephesians 5:31-32

  Everyone loves a mystery, right?  Well, marriage is a mystery — it contains and conceals a meaning far greater than what we see on the outside. God created and ordained marriage so that the eternal covenant relationship between Christ and his church would be imaged forth in the marriage union.

 Unfortunately, most Christians and people in general, do not have the foggiest idea of what marriage really is.   This is a mystery that God certainly does not want to be a mystery to any married couple. God has given every marriage a built-in marriage counselor, as marriage was designed to be NOT a couple, but a TRINITY between the man, his wife and the indwelling presence of our Lord Jesus.  It is the presence of the Lord Jesus that allows his LOVE to dwell in us, providing us the wisdom that is from above, as James 3:17-18 describes it:

 “But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be entreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy.  And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace of them that make peace.”

 How many couples would be excited about having this kind of fruit dominate their marriage?  This is contrasted with the absence of the presence of the Lord Jesus that is filled with the wisdom that is not from above as described in James 3:14-16,

  “But if ye have bitter envying and strife in your hearts, glory not, and lie not against the truth. This wisdom descendeth not from above but is earthly, sensual, devilish.  For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work.”

How many married couples do you know 

who need to know to understand this mystery?

 There is a reason God made this MYSTERY in marriage available.  Why?  Because marriage and family problems outnumber all other counseling problems combined. Marriage is the most basic institution God ordained and it is for that reason that the devil has made such an assault on it.

 To the single person that has never been in love before, they cannot imagine the difficulties that arise when two people come together in marriage and cohabitation.  The  basic problem is, no one can love without the indwelling of the Lord Jesus because He IS love.  Without the Lord Jesus, it is impossible to truly love,  Those who come to the marriage altar without the wisdom that is from above are blinded to the many problems that arise in their future marriage.  When a man and a woman enter into as intimate a relationship as marriage, they quickly discover that there are many adjustments that need to be made. They discover that problems arise in this environment that never appeared before.  There is the simple fact that both are of the opposite sex and they react differently to situations.  They both have ideas, emotions, values, ambitions, desires, and points of views that are not only different but that will sometimes oppose one another .
And their different backgrounds also add to their differences.

 Differences — Differences can either destroy a relationship or enhance it.  It has been said that there is very little difference among men, but that little difference makes a big difference. That little difference is going to be what destroys or enriches a marriage. The lesson on this subject is not a proposition to resolve every problem nor to make all of the adjustments for your marriage.

 Initial Adjustments — When a newly wedded couple begins living with one another they discover, WOW, THIS IS DIFFERENT!   Yesterday I was single; today I am married. Yesterday I slept alone; today I am sleeping with my spouse. Yesterday there was a possibility that my mate would find someone else to marry; today we have a commitment to live together till death do us part.  Yesterday I lived with my own point of view; today I have to live with the consideration of the point of view of the opposite sex.  Yesterday it was not proper for me to touch my mate in an inappropriate sensual manner; today it is proper for us to even experience intimate sexual relations.  Yesterday, I was only responsible only for myself; today we are responsible for each other.  Yesterday we only saw each other when we were at our best; today we see each in the normal every day setting — oftentimes at our worst appearance.  Yesterday, we were able to hide many of our faults and worst habits from each other; today it is extremely difficult to accomplish that, Yesterday, we were able to live dreaming about how things will be when we get married; today, we are living in the everyday reality of marriage. Yesterday I was single, today I am married!  What a big difference!  No other relationship exists that demands such quick and extraordinary changes from its partners. When one realizes this, it is only is easy to understand why there are so many marriages that fail. We can say with certainty to every prospective person considering marriage that your marriage will result in disaster – if you and your partner do not manage to make the proper adjustments in a mature and sane manner. Every successful marriage comes about because the couple makes an effort to communicate with each other.  All the changes need to come about through patience, love, humility and esteeming each other more than oneself.  When these adjustments are made, they will establish a satisfactory and solid marriage.

The Major Change:

WE — TOGETHER

 Prior to getting married, we were accustomed to thinking in terms of the following pronouns: I – ME — We have planned our lives around ourselves, individually. Self is the  king in our society. By nature, we are all egocentric.

  However, when we get married, all this has to change. Suddenly, it should no longer be I, it must become WE — US.  So different!  So strange! Yes, so difficult!   Yesterday, whenever I felt like it, I would go out and do the things i liked to do.  i would play golf, go shopping, visit some of my close friends, do some the things that I liked doing.   Yesterday, if I didn’t like the job I had I would simply quit and look for another job.  Now, I have to think of the new responsibilities I have in maintaining a household.  Yesterday, If I didn’t want to shave or fix my hair and face, I just wouldn’t do it. Yesterday, I would do whatever I wanted to do or go wherever I wanted to go, at any time I wanted to do it. That was yesterday!  But today, things have changed dramatically.   I am no longer allowed to think in terms of I, the moment I said, “I do,” I have to become part of WE — together.

  God tells those who marry about the importance  of the relationship between a husband and wife — that it  is a portrait of the relationship between the Lord Jesus Christ and His Bride — every born-again believer (Ephesians 5:31-32).   We  find this language given   to us in Ephesians  2:5-6:

 “Even when we were dead in sins (single) has God quickened us (made u s alive — married) together with Christ, (by grace you are saved)  And has raised us up together, and made us sit together in heavenly places in Christ Jesus.”

  The most major adjustment one has to make when they get married is to think in terms of together, and no longer I, ME.  If we are successful in accomplishing this, the rest, of the adjustments will be much less difficult to accomplish.  Our thinking process has to change from what I want  — to what we want. Together, we need to consider what is good and beneficial to us both.  God tells us the two shall become one!  This, of course, involves a drastic change in that thought process.  We need to have our minds transformed to that thought process.  Remember, God takes the two and forms them into one.  I am no longer living for Myself, but for OURselves and OUR good.  Our individual life is to be inseparably tied with that of our marriage partner. There needs to be a level of communication between the marriage partners that does not exist with any other person. The circle that surrounds the husband and wife must never be violated by anyone else. The Lord Jesus is already in that circle with the couple.

 When this thinking process has taken hold, it will impact every practical area of our lives. That  means that I do not spend as much time doing leisurely things as I did before.  Do I stop doing these things because I have lost interest in them?  Of course not!  It is because now, they are  secondary in my life in relation to my partner for life.I still like to the things I did before, but I now do them with my partner or less frequently. Both partners need to place each other in the number one category.

  Where are you going?  What are you thinking?  Where have you been?  Why did you do this?  Who were you talking to?  What did you do today?  When are you going to be back?  What are you planning to do today?  What did they tell you?

  Does this sound familiar?  These are questions that are asked every day in households all over the word.  The married couple should live their lives for each other and in completing the task God has prepared for you and the family He will give you. Our plans, thoughts and experiences should be shared with out marriage partner. If my partner has to ask these kind of questions, there is generally something wrong in our communication and togetherness. When one of the marriage partners thinks that a question of this sort is meddling into the lives, they have failed to recognize the fact that they are no longer living the life of I — ME. but WE — US, TOGETHER.  God’s Word declares to us that since WE are now ONE, both have the right to know what the other is doing. This is extremely important, as it will add or take away from God’s blessings upon your life. We are instructed in 1st Peter 3:7:

 “Likewise, ye husbands dwell with them [wives] according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.”

 Now we can clearly see why this understanding is so vitally important. An adjustment of this magnitude requires not only a change of lifestyle — from the single life to the married life — but a change of moving to thinking in terms of ONE — WE.  To be sure, it is not easy, but it is doable by the indwelling presence of the Lord Jesus and brings about a wonderful relationship and marriage!  When this occurs in a marriage, your love for each will GROW, and GROW, God’s love NEVER deteriorates, it can only grow. In ten years, the husband will love his wife ten times more than their wedding day!  After fifty years, it is off the charts.

 There are at least three things that are needed to bring this about.

1 — A spiritual relationship with Jesus Christ and His abiding help. Without Christ, you can do NOTHING.  Our Lord Jesus tells us in John 15:5:

 “I am the vine, ye are the branches:  He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit:  for without me ye can do nothing.”

2 — A marriage partner that is well grounded i God’s Word and principles.

3 — Love — Not as the world loves but the love that comes from God.

  Many marriages can be pleasant.  But a marriage without Jesus Christ at its center can never experience the deeper abundant life that only comes from knowing Him by having an intimate personal relationship. To achieve this marriage with the abundant life our Lord Jesus offers, the married couple needs to commit themselves to God and His Word. He alone can make the needed therapy in the heart of each individual and make the change from ME to US, as recorded in Romans 12:2, “be ye transformed [ metamorphosed ] by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.”  God specializes in transforming our point of view on certain matters when He controls our mind by His life in us.  This is the mystery.

 If you are reading this and are single, then there is something you can do before you get married. You can share with your loved one a good and solid foundation. Talk to them about the TOGETHER marital  relationship you desire to experience. Any marriage partner will enjoy this type of TOGETHER marital relationship even before they ever get married. Strange, but true.  Generally, this relationship is based solely on the physical. In most instances, these relationships are usually short lasting.  When they find someone else they are attracted to physically, they are gone. Since the flesh can never truly satisfy,. any adjustments made in these relationships are doomed.

LOVE — It is strange to even mention this when we talk in terms of adjustments. Strangely, many get married without ever knowing what love really is?   They confuse LUST  with LOVE and they are incapable of understanding true love. As it is written in 1st Corinthians 2:14, “But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned [understood].” Each one is selfishly consumed with themselves and they preoccupy themselves with the other person.

 Biblical love has only one prerogative — to GIVE.  God demonstrates this love in John 3:16, “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” A relationship without love can only be based on what is good for me personally.  Even when one does something for the other, they do it in order to gain something in return. Conversely, genuine love only interests itself in the good of the object of its love — with no regard to receiving anything in return. If you meditate on what the Scriptures say about love, you will capture a broader view of the beauty of genuine love (1st Corinthians 13).

 “Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it: if a man would give all the substance of his house for love, it would utterly be contemned” (disrespected —  despised — you cannot buy love). — Song of Solomon 8:7

 “Greater love has no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.” — John 15:13

 “Let love be without dissimulation” (hypocrisy) — Romans 12:9

 The Bible tells us LOVE  “… suffers long, is kind, envies not, does not vaunt itself, is not puffed up, does not behave unseemly, does not seek it’s own, is not easily provoked, thinks no evil, does not rejoice in iniquity, rejoices in the truth, bears all things, endures all things, endures all things, never fails …” 1st Corinthians 13:4-8

 “by love serve one another” — Galatians 5:13

 Those of us who are married need to ponder again and again how mysterious and wonderful it is that God grants us in marriage the privilege to image forth stupendous divine realities infinitely bigger and greater than ourselves.

Printed with permission of Today, The Bible & You located at P.O. Box 1722, Broken Arrow, Oklahoma 74013, Phone No. (918) 279-1136. The name of the original article in the February 2018 issue of Today’s Front Page was “One of The Greatest Biblical Mysteries That Desperately Needs to be Discovered” www.JohnBarela.com